everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
