what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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