i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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