Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
