i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
