You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
