I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
