while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
