Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
