she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
