Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
