So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
