I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I will pee on everything he values.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
