My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
