Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize