Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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