does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
