I bet he comes in French.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
