he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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