I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize