I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
