I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
