I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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