Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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