We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
