i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
