I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.