you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.