You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.