i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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