A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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