yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
