I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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