I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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