We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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