from now on my penis is your penis
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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