just come out here and I will go home with you...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
