guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
