does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bring money and cleavage
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
