Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
