I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
