My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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