i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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