I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
