Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
