Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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