dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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