So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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