I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
