glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
