I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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