Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
