i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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