I'm eating all of the evidence.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
