i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
