Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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