It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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