happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
