And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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