billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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