i may or may not be watching the land before time
My cat gives me a boner
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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