So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
