Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
