I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
