She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
