Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
