the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
