I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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