what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
