I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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