how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
