When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
