i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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