What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
