think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
