So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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