she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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