yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
