just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
plz talk dirty to me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
