my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
