Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so let's talk penis.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
