And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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