We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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