I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you traded sex for a burrito?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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