I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
