so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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